Before assault flintlocks…

Seymour the Superstitious

Tatsuya Ishida’s Sinfest.net

When I was a child, women dressed like penguins told us children gory stories about the Path of Righteousness. This one is relevant to today’s hot topic.

4 And there went out a champion out of the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span.

8 And he stood and cried unto the armies of Israel, and said unto them, Why are ye come out to set your battle in array? Am not I a Philistine, and ye servants to Saul? Choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me.

9 If he be able to fight with me, and to kill me, then will we be your servants: but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall ye be our servants, and serve us.

10 And the Philistine said, I defy the armies of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together.

11 When Saul and all Israel heard those words of the Philistine, they were dismayed, and greatly afraid.

12 Now David was the son of that Ephrathite of Bethlehemjudah, whose name was Jesse; and he had eight sons: and the man went among men for an old man in the days of Saul.

48 And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came, and drew nigh to meet David, that David hastened, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.

49 And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his eye, that the stone sunk into his eye; and he fell upon his face to the earth.

50 So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.

51 Therefore David ran, and stood upon the Philistine, and took his sword, and drew it out of the sheath thereof, and slew him, and cut off his head therewith. And when the Philistines saw their champion was dead, they fled.

59 But David was called before the Court, to answer the Philistines complaint he had vanquished by foul means. That one, said counsel for the Plaintiffs, not only drew first blood, but used an illegal basalt eyeful to slay our champion.

60 To this David replied that the challenge was Goliath’s, and that once it is decided that someone is to be killed, the moral question has been settled. The instruments of that killing are not affected by any moral or humane questions or considerations.

61 The Court ruled in favor of Respondent, and David bid goodbye to the uncircumcised Philistines and returned to bed with the King’s daughter. Together they watched a movie on the Burning Bush, titled “Swindler’s List” in which only the Pharaoh and his enforcers had basalt eyefuls.

Moral: better to have a basalt eyeful and not need it, than to need one and not have it.

Translating modern legalese is something I do with ease. Look me up.

Advertisements